


tentatively

by otqps



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aromantic Character, M/M, Queerplatonic Relationships, lithromantic character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-01
Updated: 2014-10-01
Packaged: 2018-02-19 11:24:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2386562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/otqps/pseuds/otqps
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"... but it’s Hinata, so he wants this to last, wants it to be something important to Hinata, too."</p><p>for the haikyuu!! summer big bang challenge, aromantic kenma and his queerplatonic feelings for hinata and all the anxiety that comes from figuring that out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	tentatively

**Author's Note:**

> a note real quick!! there is a word in japanese that means "aromantic asexual" essentially, so that's why i've used those terms here in the actual fic. i don't want to be too english-centric here though so kuroo's orientation is never labeled, but he's lithromantic and hinata is demiromantic, too, but that's not mentioned a ton so i didn't want to throw a tag up for that and seem like it was false advertising. 
> 
> thank you so much to MY qp who edited this today for me lmao <3 you are a lifesaver u_u and thank you to all the friends who kicked me into actually working on this when i felt sluggish. and of course thank you so much to my artist partner for this ;_; you are so sweet and i am sincerely still so honored by your interest in my fic and your company and the time you put into this. thank you thank you thank you. <3 you made my first big bang a great time. :>

Kenma was never sure he liked people the “right” way; it’d been like that since he was a child. He wasn’t incredibly outgoing, fumbled with many of his words, and generally preferred to keep to himself, which wasn’t terribly unusual. For a while that felt fine, he knew of other people who felt satisfied by that, too, with small numbers of friends and large amounts of time to themselves. By middle school, though, even with Kuroo practically attached to his hip whenever possible, Kenma started feeling stranger. 

It was the nature of people conversing, now, that confused him; the topic most frequently broached was shifting, though they still spoke about games, what was on television, their plans for the weekend, all the usual subjects… it felt like, all of a sudden, he was hit in the face with the reality of “crushes”. It wasn’t just swapping secrets about silliness anymore, it was sharing opinions on the appeal of each student, the way so and so had spoken to them earlier that day that brought a blush to their face, and even just overhearing all this had made Kenma feel lost.

It never even occurred to him. Not once. He had never looked in the direction of anyone he knew and gotten the feelings his classmates seemed to describe; the nervousness (that was perpetual for him in some ways…), the giggles, the excitement… just wasn’t there. It didn’t go away. The older he got, the more prevalent it got; it took on a tone of greater secrecy as well, though, so at least Kenma felt as if he could put it aside -- until, of course, he started being questioned himself. He never had an answer, and he floundered -- no, he didn’t like anyone in particular, not right now and probably not ever. 

Unsurprisingly, he turned to Kuroo.

“I like someone,” he had said, eyebrows furrowed like he wasn’t quite sure what to say, “but I don’t want anyone to like me back like that.” He didn’t have a reason why, no matter how Kenma pressed him; “it just felt weird”, Kuroo had insisted, recalling a girl in his grade who had asked him out. That was good enough for Kenma. The scenario felt weird to him, too, just thinking about it. 

He got to high school, slightly more sure of himself by then, and equipped with words. They felt like an answer, as well as armor, and Kenma kept them close to him, not broadcasting it, but feeling no less relieved or happy about it. “Aromantic”, “asexual”, hardwon words from hours of scouring the internet, looking for people like him; they fit, something finally made sense. Like the superior, perfectly made equipment for the characters in his game that boosted their stats just the right ways because it was theirs and completed them in some way, Kenma felt like the terms gave him some confidence. He’d never respond to questions with them, never offer anyone an explanation, but as long as he had it for himself, that was what counted. Everything else could be shrugged off.

Or, almost everything else. 

Comfort didn’t seem to last in Kenma’s life, because it felt like not long after he had found such solid ground to stand on, something had to come and shake it. He hadn’t cried, but he wanted to, and he certainly couldn’t breathe; Kuroo was over at his house, like normal, and they were playing games, like normal, when Kuroo had said, out of nowhere, “it was you, y’know. It’s still you. The person I like.” 

And Kenma had panicked. It was his own fault, he hadn’t told Kuroo the words; in keeping them for himself, he’d gotten himself into the most awful situation of his life, because Kuroo was his best friend and that was the only thing Kenma would ever be able to feel for him but if Kuroo wanted something different than that, he’d leave, wouldn’t he? 

That seemed impossible to imagine, and for what was surely only a few seconds, but felt like minutes to him, Kenma recalled a million moments in their friendship, scared that he was about to lose it all. Kuroo carrying him back to his house one day after he’d hurt his knee, Kuroo jumping to hit a toss of his with wide, eager eyes, and Kuroo with his arm around Kenma, laughing, smiling -- all things he apparently hadn’t appreciated enough. 

He sat there, curled up in the corner of his bed, staring at his PSP even though he wasn’t playing it, listening to Kuroo apologize because he could tell that something was clearly wrong, but it was impossible to force any words out. It wasn’t fair. He didn’t want this from anybody, but especially Kuroo. 

That was the thing, though. 

“Kenma, I didn’t -- I’m not trying to make you feel bad or anything. I don’t want you to like me back like that.”

He’d said that before, too, and Kenma hadn’t really understood, and he wasn’t sure he did now, either, but it felt like hope, some way to salvage this. With clenched fists, shaking a little, and with his eyes on the screen instead of Kuroo, he’d managed to get something out. 

“I can’t. Like you like that. I’m aromantic.” 

That was the first time he’d ever said it, and though the situation still felt worse than anything he’d ever imagined, it still felt freeing. Definitive. If he could say that to his best friend, turn down the most important person in his life, really, he could say it to anyone. 

The sigh of relief that Kuroo had let out was loud enough to make Kenma finally look up, pulling his head away from his knees. 

“Cool. That’s -- really cool.” 

The idea that someone could say to him “I don’t want you to like me back” and mean it, really mean it, without expectations and without disappointment, had never crossed his mind. There was Kuroo, though, content and relaxed now that he knew Kenma couldn’t feel that way about him. Not for the first time, he felt terribly, implausibly lucky to have Kuroo in his life and so close to him.

At the end of his first year of high school, Kuroo came up with “the plan”. The plan was to date -- they’d be boyfriends in name, which would keep them both effectively off the market for anyone else without having to explain any particulars about their feelings, and it did no harm to their usual closeness. It felt like a good idea, really. Kenma could tell people who badgered him that he had someone like that and never have to face any “eventually”s or “someday, someone”s, and Kuroo had a good answer to give if anyone ever tried to confess to him. They could both be comfortable, sure of themselves. 

It didn’t change much. Kuroo sometimes kissed him, just pecks that Kenma didn’t need to return, and they curled up next to each other on couches and beds and that was enough. More than enough, really. It was steady and easy, something that Kenma, at least, felt could continue indefinitely. Once again, as a second year now, he felt comfortable and even more secure than before.

And then there was Hinata Shouyou. 

He was an anomaly from the moment Kenma met him, truthfully. He’d spoken more to Hinata than he would have most strangers, feeling… cautiously fond, he admits, of the boy’s enthusiasm even though it was jarring and he spoke too loudly for Kenma’s shoulders to stop tensing up. He had walked away from that encounter inexplicably both… intrigued and content.

Shouyou, he’d called him, because it was a good name. He had a good smile, too. Good skills on the court. Kenma liked him, that was obvious, really obvious, even to himself -- and that scared him. His feelings for Hinata weren’t like what he felt towards Kuroo; friendship as he knew it was not so uncertain or excitable, it was steady and quiet, but those weren’t words that applied to Hinata in any way, really. He gets jumpy when waiting for Hinata’s texts, wants to smile when he reads them, misses the boy’s voice, misses his warmth and his excitability when they can’t see each other -- and he’s, well, pining in a way that he’s only ever heard belonged to romance and it shakes him to his core. Is that what it is? Is the twist of his stomach, the bittersweet feeling that Hinata leaves him with sometimes, the Hinata Shouyou shaped gap in his days all a symptom of what he’d spent his entire life thus far completely mystified by? 

It doesn’t feel right, he’d been so certain of his aromanticism, so genuinely reassured by it that Kenma reasons with himself most of the time; there has to be another explanation. He hasn’t had many friends, Hinata is just special, he’s just happy -- there’s nothing wrong with being happy. But the words of people who had said things like “just friends” and “more than friends” around him all these years ring through his head every time he tries to sort out his feelings and it frustrates him terribly. That’s not fair. It’s an awful thing to say and he doesn’t want to prove them right. He’s not in love with Hinata, not like that. He doesn’t care who disagrees with him. 

That’s not an isolated battle, either; it’s something Kenma fights daily. He and Hinata talk a lot, honestly, more than he texts most people, and they even talk on the phone, too, which is unheard of, practically. Kuroo smiles at him, and Kenma has to trust that he’s not doing it maliciously, not trying to say “see?” because it’s not like Kuroo is invested in conventional romantic things, either, so he would never taunt him, surely. It’s still unsettling, though. He doesn’t like the idea of anyone paying particular attention to how much he’s associating with someone; Kuroo is only tolerable because of how long they’ve been together. 

So if Kenma wakes up to five text messages from Hinata and smiles sleepily at his phone, he’s allowed to, no questions asked, no insinuations given. It’s still novel to wake up to that at all, too, so it’s not like anyone can blame him for savoring it, right? Hinata is in his phone as just “Shouyou”, and he squints at the screen as he tries to actually make out what the boy’s sent him. Something about volleyball, naturally, something about beating a boss in a game that he’d recommended Hinata play, and then -- questions about maybe visiting? Oh. 

That’s, hm. Intimidating. Again, Kuroo is really the only person he’s ever had stay over, and Kuroo had the option of going home if he wasn’t having fun -- it’d be a little harder for Hinata to do that, and that’s… pressure to entertain and take care of him and be a good host and it’s… scary in and of itself, not even considering it’s Hinata. He has a few more hours to think about it, it’s summer so he can feign being asleep for a little longer as long as he doesn’t turn on any gaming machines and log in to something. 

He opts for a shower instead and then breakfast, and while he’s sitting there picking at his toast, he thinks about logistics. Where would Hinata stay? Probably on a futon in Kenma’s room… would they go shopping for food he liked? Would it matter if it was just a short trip? What does Hinata like to eat? “It doesn’t have to be a long trip or anything!” he’d said in one text, but that doesn’t help, exactly, because what defines “long” here? Three days feels long to Kenma, truthfully, and he thinks Hinata probably wouldn’t feel the same. It’s not that he doesn’t want to see him, but one-on-one conversation, in person, for entire days at a time is… daunting, to say the least.

When his toast is gone from his plate, Kenma feels strangely like he’s run out of options but to provide an answer to Hinata, or at least discuss it, so he trots back to his room to curl up on his side with his phone and frown. “How long do you want to stay?” is what he ends up deciding on, reaching for his DS to pass the time until he gets a reply. Of course, his phone beeps a second or two later, because Hinata’s enthusiasm shows through in literally everything he does, even trading messages back and forth. 

Four days, maybe, he says, because he doesn’t want to impose? That seems manageable. Probably. He’ll have to ask his parents; he tells Hinata that, too. He has time now, again, to potentially lie and say they said no if he needs to for his own comfort, and he’d feel a little bad, but Hinata wouldn’t be angry at him, he knows that. A sleepover and all doesn’t sound awful! It really doesn’t… and realistically speaking, staying over at Hinata’s instead feels even scarier. At least in his own home he’d have that familiarity, and it’s not like it’s fair to ask Hinata to come to Tokyo just for a few hours of hanging out or anything… And he does want to see him, most importantly. He does. He really does, and it’s not like he hasn’t thought about it. So. 

He asks, and he gets slightly surprised looks from his parents for a second that he tries not to feel horrible over, but he gets a yes and that’s what matters. And that’s how he ends up asking Hinata for what kind of meals and snacks he wants to eat and if he has any allergies and if he’s okay with a futon and if he wants to go sightseeing and maybe it’s all a little too much -- but he gets the same short, excited answers he always does from Hinata, and he breathes a little easier. 

But it’s weird, then, too, to keep talking to him normally in light of scheduling that visit. It’s probably just Kenma, he really doubts Hinata has any trepidation about it, but it feels like a big thing to him. Not that there’s any way to address it further or shift behavior because of it, but his stomach is all, well, butterfly filled, knowing Hinata will be visiting in a week. It doesn’t feel that far off, but it does, simultaneously, and he feels like a mess -- everything is both exciting and intimidating and he wishes he could stop thinking about it. 

He spends the next few days panicking intermittently between cleaning; he makes sure his room is nearly spotless (“nearly” because he doesn’t want to look like he tried too hard and seem silly), cleans his bathroom, and even helps dust the living room. The last thing he wants is for Hinata to feel uncomfortable. He accompanies his mother on a trip to the grocery store, as well, for the sake of making sure they get all the proper foods Hinata had listed; a mistake would be embarrassing. Kenma’s very aware he’s being overly cautious, probably a little annoying about it all, too, to his parents, but -- the more he’s involved, the less can go wrong. 

He doesn’t sleep well the night before Hinata’s supposed to come, nerves unwilling to just let him rest, even though he desperately needs it so he has enough energy to keep up with Hinata later on.

It's very early when he starts getting text messages again. Luckily, Hinata's successfully made it on the train and has stories to share about his seatmates already, which is mind-boggling, really. Admirable, because Kenma probably wouldn't have talked to them at all -- it's another part of Hinata he really likes, another part that makes his heart twist a little. They trade replies back and forth as Kenma tries to quell any discomfort he has with his own feelings, and he leaves to go to the station early, finding himself too restless, for once, to wait around in his own home.

Hinata's supposed to get in at 12:28, which is around the time when Kenma would like to be waking up, honestly, so he's doubly exhausted, since this isn’t ideal for his schedule at all. Despite that, though, he takes a seat at the station and tries to make himself look as inconspicuous as possible. His DS proves to be a fairly good distraction from the thought of people glancing at him as they walk by (they’re all busy commuters, though, probably too busy to care about him; but even if he knows that, it’s still unnerving) but he doesn’t dare put in headphones in case he somehow misses a notification for Hinata’s text messages, even though his phone is also on vibrate. 

At 12:15 he relinquishes his spot to go wait at the bottom of the steps from the platform Hinata’s train is supposed to get in on -- he leans against the wall, makes himself as small as possible so that he isn’t in the way, and switches to idly playing some matching game on his phone instead. The “almost there!!” message he gets makes his heart leap. He relays his position to his friend and grits his teeth during this final wait. 

Soon enough, there’s bright orange hair in his vision and Kenma raises an arm to flag him down, and Hinata is grinning and nearly bouncing in his direction and he’s -- nervous, but somehow totally sure it’ll be fine, too. He can already hear Hinata yelling his name, can see his mouth open, and Kenma sinks into himself even further from embarrassment, not wanting to make a scene. Hinata doesn’t seem to even consider that, though, with the way he leans into Kenma's space, smile even wider now that it can be properly seen. "Kenma!" it's exhaled, loudly, from Hinata's lips as he settles down, no longer on his tippy toes in excitement, it seems. 

"Shouyou." For lack of something to say back entirely. "... Was your train okay?"

"Mhm!! It was really fast, but like, I couldn't tell, you know? It just felt normal. It was nice, though, they brought by food!" 

At least it hadn't been a burden, taking the train over -- if he'd been uncomfortable or hated it, he may not have wanted to come again. 

"So you ate, or...?"

"Oh, just a little! I didn't want to spend too much of my money already." Which makes sense. 

"We should head back to my house, then, my Mom can make lunch." Hinata's eyes light up even more with the promise of lunch, and he nods enthusiastically, shifting his dufflebag on his shoulder.

"Lead the way!! Are we walking, or is there another train, or -- the subway?"

Kenma smiles, just a little. He doesn't often feel like a "city boy", but Hinata's clearly overwhelmed by the transportation here, and it makes Kenma feel a LITTLE neat to be able to direct him.

"The subway, and then we'll walk to my house."

"Ohhh... Okay, well. I'll be right behind you." He looks determined, which is a bit of an overreaction, but Hinata is nothing if not enthusiastic in every area. Kenma turns to walk off, then, after nodding, and he feels a hand grab onto the back of his shirt a second later. "Don't wanna get lost." It's just a mumble, but it's cute, and Kenma's grateful he's walking in front so that Hinata can't see the blush that brings to his cheeks.

The subway isn't as crowded as it could be; Hinata manages to snag a seat, throwing his bag in his laptop, and Kenma stands in front of him, holding onto the rung above him for balance. The ride goes quickly, Hinata chatters on about some of Karasuno’s new strategies for volleyball but carefully avoids mentioning the details, like Kenma can’t figure it out or extrapolate -- he might not think too hard on it, just to be polite. In return, Kenma gives him little tidbits about how Inuoka and the rest of the team are doing, sharing a few stories from their last couple practices about the trouble Lev gets into.  
The small scramble Hinata does when it’s their stop to rearrange his bag and hop out of his seat is endearing, and Kenma tries to clamp down on the smile that threatens to brim on his lips at it. Hinata walks with a spring in his step and his arms swinging at his side half the time, very merrily, and it’s just… bizarre, the amount of energy he projects in comparison to Kenma himself or even Kuroo. He’s not entirely unfamiliar with it, because, yeah, Inuoka has a lot in common with Hinata, but Hinata is different. 

He’s very different. 

He’s about to open his mouth to speak, to fill the silence with something even though it seems comfortable enough, he doesn’t want Hinata to be bored, but --

“Would you mind if I tried your PSP, by the way…? I’ve thought about asking for one! Or maybe the Vita, since you can get PSP games for that, too, right?”

This is a topic he can manage, thankfully. Kenma exhales his relief, hopefully unnoticeable. 

“Only digital copies of them, so, you’d still have to play the PSP discs on a PSP.” 

“Ohhh…” Hinata nods a few times, mostly to himself it seems like, and furrows his brows in thought. 

“Not everything has a digital copy, though, so… It depends on what you want to play.” 

Hinata’s shoulders slump forward at that, and Kenma knows the feeling all too well -- it’s a hard hobby to have. “Mm… I guess I’ll have to look at some lists, huh? Good thing I asked! Well, I probably would have checked anyway, but, I still would rather hear it from you!” 

The tips of his ears go very, very red. It’s not a big deal, it’s really not, he’d just -- like to hear it simply from a friend rather than have to take the time to look it up himself, that makes perfect sense, but still. Hinata just… says things in a way that feels so earnest and affectionate that Kenma doesn’t know what to do in the face of it. 

“Um, let me know if you want recommendations or anything… and you can borrow some of my games, too, if you want. We can take a look when we get to my house.” 

The redhead ends up doing another one of his sort of… hops, though his feet don’t lift the ground, it’s more like he jolts, Kenma supposes… this full-body expression of happiness and alertness that always makes Kenma jump a little, too, in turn. “Whoa!! That’d be awesome. I, uh, don’t play games very fast, though… so I might have them for a while, if you really wouldn’t mind lending me one.”

It’s not like Kenma hasn’t played through everything thoroughly enough that he’s okay with putting it to the side for a while, so… “That’s fine, you can take your time. I know how that is, school and volleyball… it gets busy.” Naturally, when the subject of volleyball comes up again, Hinata perks up even further.

“No kidding! Practice is sooo long some days, and don’t get me wrong! I’m still honestly just really happy to be able to be on a team and play at all, but I get home really late sometimes, and then I have to do homework… It sucks, y’know? I don’t like studying, though, so I guess if I didn’t avoid it, it probably wouldn’t feel as horrible. Maybe.” 

The rest of the walk goes sort of like that, Hinata rambling a little about school and how terribly boring his English class was the other day, and how he’d actually beaten Kageyama on a test last month by more than just a few points. Kenma kind of drifts off there, thinking about Kageyama, actually -- he doesn’t really understand his relationship to Hinata entirely, or rather, he knows they’re close, but he doesn’t know the nature of it. He doesn’t know how to ask, either. 

Luckily, he’s saved from lingering on it too much for now because they reach his door, and Kenma fishes in his jacket pocket for his key -- “Mom? We’re back.” To his genuine shock, it’s not his Mom that peeks out from the kitchen, but Kuroo. 

“Oh, shortie’s here already? Sorry, I’ll get out of your hair, I forgot he was coming today.” He gives Hinata a little wave, and he’s smiling, and to his credit, Kuroo does seem genuine about it -- it’s not hard to believe he forgot, anyway, but still. For some reason, he’d kind of wanted to avoid Hinata and Kuroo interacting, honestly. It’s just -- it’s just, well, he doesn’t quite know, but it has something to do with his feelings for both of them, surely, and he doesn’t want anybody getting the wrong idea, and -- and then Kuroo moves by him, planting a brief kiss on Kenma’s head, as is common, and Hinata’s eyes widen and Kenma goes very, very still.

“You kids have fun, okay? Remember to take breaks from the game, like, pay attention to the health and safety warning or whatever.” He lets himself out, as per usual, and that’s when Kenma’s mom decides to finally welcome them home. Any weirdness in the air dissipates then, because Hinata is bowing his gratitude for being allowed to stay and they’re being swept into seats so that they can eat -- noodles, which is fine with Kenma, but he’s also not paying attention entirely -- and there’s no opportunity to talk about it anyway. Is Kenma the only one who thinks it’s such a big deal? What if Hinata doesn’t care? He could have just been surprised, it’s not every day you see someone do that, there’s a lot of possibilities here, and -- and maybe Hinata just doesn’t care. Not that Kenma wants him to be jealous or anything, just… well, okay, maybe he doesn’t know what he wants, either. All he’s really certain of is that he doesn’t want Hinata to get the wrong impression, whatever that may be. It’s mostly that the idea of Hinata thinking he’s romantically interested in Kuroo, maybe likes Kuroo more than him because of that, makes him sick to his stomach. That shows, in how much food he manages to eat, and his mom frowns in concern at him. Kenma mumbles an excuse, something about a “big breakfast”, and it gets dropped, but still. 

“Hey, can I put my bag in your room now? I’m glad we ate first, but, I don’t wanna have anyone trip over it or something.” It’s kind of him to consider, and he probably wants to, like, unpack a bit, probably, so Kenma nods quickly and they head upstairs. He flicks the light on in his room, revealing the futon already there, since he’d pulled it out last night -- Kenma hadn’t wanted to run out of time to make sure it was clean, ready to use, and more importantly, he didn’t want to have to dig through multiple closets to find it or anything in front of Hinata. 

They don’t talk about Kuroo, still. Hinata drags out his toiletries and puts them in the bathroom, and then they settle down for some fighting games, and it never comes up. Today’s their relaxing day, or, that’s Kenma’s plan at least. He hasn’t broached that topic yet either, of what Hinata wants to do, but he figured they could devote tomorrow to exploring Tokyo some… Hinata can finally see the Tokyo Tower and not have to wonder which tower is which anymore. 

It’s while he has these idle thoughts that he ends up losing; Hinata takes a few of their matches and yells quite exuberantly, holding the controller over his head in joy. Kenma, again, is forced into smiling at that some -- but it’s like the more enthusiastic Hinata gets, the less he cares about any concept of keeping his distance. By the time they’ve each won thrice, their shoulders are brushing constantly, and Hinata leans into his direction whenever he gets particularly into an attack that way, as if he’ll make the character move faster by moving his own body too. (Not that Kenma doesn’t get that, because, yeah, he definitely does. It happens. A lot.) 

It’s nerve-wracking, though. He’s torn between watching the screen and paying attention to how Hinata’s hand hits the back of Kenma’s, how their knees have knocked together, all these things -- it’s just not something he’s prepared for, exactly. Kuroo isn’t like this, either; he’s all lazy with his movements, save for on the court, so Kenma knows each touch is coming, usually, and it’s all very relaxed. Hinata is a series of tiny instances of contact that make his heart leap every time. He’s close enough where he could put his head on Kenma’s shoulder; they could watch a movie, or just TV, and Hinata could use him as a headrest, and he doesn’t think he’d really mind. But that’s all embarrassing to think, and it feels -- forward, since he has no idea if Hinata has ever even really thought about hugging him, or if Hinata is even aware of how much they’ve been touching. It’s not a big deal to him, surely, not the same way it is to Kenma. That hurts, a little. 

“Darn it!! I was just about to use my special move, too, how’d you win so fast!?” 

He decides to be brave, moving to brush his own hand against Hinata’s as he points to buttons, in order, to show him the sequence for that quick, deadly attack.

“Like that, but only if you have enough power stored up. It’s kind of tricky.” 

There’s an extreme look of concentration on Hinata’s face, now, his lips pursed as he keeps mimicking the button sequence again and again to get the hang of it, to turn it into instinct already -- he’s good at that, though, Kenma thinks. He seems to do a lot of things based off of instinct, like his spikes, too. It’s kind of intriguing, since Kenma is the polar opposite, always thinking things through, often to the point of making himself anxious. There’s a lot to be said for the merit of instinct, apparently, if Hinata does so well based off of it.

They start the next round, and lo and behold, Hinata finishes him off with the special attack Kenma had just showed him, and he beams, turning that smile towards Kenma. "I got it! It worked!! That was close, geez, you're really good."

"You are too, though... And you've never played this before, so." Truly, it's more impressive on Hinata’s end, Kenma doesn’t need the compliment. Still, though, he smiles a little, just a little, at the praise. 

The rest of the day goes much like that, just sporadic gaming and, before dinner, some volleyball outside, of course. Hinata had begged and pleaded for “just a few tosses!!” and Kenma wasn’t really able to say no in the face of that. So they spend about an hour out in the backyard while his parents work on dinner together, Kenma doing some gentle sets, since it’s not like they’re in a gym with a lot of space to run around. Hinata mostly ends up spiking things into Kuroo’s fence, but that’s fine. It’s used to it.

His dad opens the door to yell for them to come inside, and reluctantly Hinata takes the ball in his hands to bring it in -- Kenma hurriedly promises that before the weekend is over they’ll play again.

“What are you two doing tomorrow?” his mother asks, dolling out the rice into their bowls, smiling warmly at Hinata, who’s bouncing on his toes again in excitement. 

“Oh, um -- I dunno! Kenma?” He wishes his mom hadn’t asked before he had gotten to broach the idea himself, but, oh well. 

“I thought we could go sightsee some, if you wanted… you and your team seemed really excited to visit, so…” 

His dad sets down his chopsticks, already seated, and smiles, too, all encouraging and glad. It’s embarrassing, honestly, how his parents seem so happy to have Hinata here. Even if Kenma gets why, he wishes it wasn’t so visible. “I think that sounds great. What were you thinking of showing him?” 

Hinata settles himself at the table, next to his dad, but twists around in his chair immediately to tug at Kenma’s sleeve urgently. “Is the Tokyo Tower possible? I don’t really know how far it is from here, but! It’s so cool!” 

Kenma’s mother takes his bowl away from him, probably in fear that Hinata’s pulls will make Kenma drop it, so Kenma has nothing to do but stare at Hinata’s hand instead of his expression, feeling very… scrutinized by everyone in the room. “That, and Hachiko, I thought might be good. Those are pretty well-known… and there’s Akihabara…” 

There’s a chuckle from his dad, and Kenma’s eyebrows furrow; he knows he’s predictable in his hobbies, but it’s not like he’s only putting the suggestion out there because he likes games and all, Hinata does too, it’s not -- he’s not trying to be selfish.

“Let’s do it! I don’t know if I’ll have enough money to buy anything, really, but I wanna see it anyway!” 

Yet again, he’s immensely grateful for Hinata’s incredible enthusiasm and how undeniable it is, so his parents can’t accuse him of being a bad host or anything when Hinata leaves. He doesn’t want to be chided for anything he does with Hinata this trip, it’s too important, and kind of sensitive, too, to listen to them nitpick what he could have done better or where he should have taken him. He’s already worried about making mistakes, their opinions will just make him regret trying at all, probably. 

In an effort to try to avoid that sort of criticism, and because he’s feeling really put on the spot still, Kenma lets his parents handle the flow of dinner conversation. They take advantage of it, questioning Hinata all over the place in an effort to get to know him, and Kenma knows the curiousity isn’t feigned, but it’s just -- everything is kind of tinted with this view of them not expecting Kenma to have a friend like Hinata, and that hurts. They don’t mean it poorly, they just know their son as someone who’s more reserved, but it just makes him feel even worse than the earlier thing with Kuroo did. Compiling both anxieties doesn’t leave Kenma feeling very hungry for this meal, either, but he tries anyway. 

After, Hinata dutifully offers to help his mom with the dishes, still chatting away cheerfully, sharing stories about his sister. “She seems precious,” his mom practically gushes, but it’s hard not to feel similarly when Hinata has such fondness in his voice.

“She’s the cutest little sister in the world, even if she’s also, like, the lightest sleeper ever.” 

It occurs to Kenma, then, that he could snore, or something, and keep Hinata up. That’s terrifying. He hopes that he’s a much deeper sleeper than his little sister, even though Kenma’s not even sure he does snore in the first place. 

Tonight is an early bed time, since they’re getting an early start on exploring Tokyo -- they’ll have more time to indulge in whatever looks fun, or account for any delays, if they head out in the morning. Tokyo Tower first thing, then up to Shibuya quickly to see Hachiko and maybe walk around, and then to Akihabara, where they’ll probably spend the most time. It’s manageable, and shouldn’t be that expensive unless they decide to buy games or CDs or something. (Which is pretty likely, but, still.)

They play games when lying in bed, too, with Hinata wrapped in his futon and Kenma curled up under his sheets. Not a fighting game now, since that’s too exciting, but they do some co-op adventure campaign, mostly just messing around. When they get too tired to keep their eyes open properly, Kenma crawls out of bed to shut off the tv after they save, and then lays there, fiddling with setting the alarm on his phone, wishing Hinata would say something. 

Not just anything, but about Kuroo. He just wants the conversation over with, wants to be able to clarify things as soon as possible -- if it goes totally undiscussed, and Hinata has the wrong idea for the rest of their friendship, he’ll be miserable. How does he bring up, though, that he’s not actually dating Kuroo romantically, but he’s still dating Kuroo, and it’s really not that weird, a lot of people feel like Kenma does, actually -- it’s just not something that gets talked about. 

He can’t bring it up first, he just can’t. There’s too much fear that Hinata will think it’s weird. 

“Kenma?” his voice is a little muffled from the pillow, and Hinata sounds sort of distant, like he’s already drifting off.

“Hm?”

“Thanks for having me over. I really like your parents. And I’m already having a lot of fun.” 

And it’s not -- it’s not about Kuroo, but he can breathe easier anyway.

“... Thanks for wanting to come. I -- I like having you here.” 

Hinata seems to hum happily at that, shifting a bit on the futon. “I’m glad Tokyo’s not too far away. You should come sometime, too. Natsu’d really like to meet you, especially.”

Kenma thinks he’d really like her, too, if she’s as much like her big brother as she seems to be. 

“Okay.” He pauses, just because the commitment is a big deal, and the offer means a lot to him. “I will.” 

“We can --” a yawn interrupts Hinata mid-sentence -- “talk about it tomorrow, or something… I gotta sleep or else I’m going to doze off while you’re talking, haha. G’night, Kenma.” 

A few minutes later, once he thinks Hinata might have fallen asleep, Kenma mumbles “sleep well”, and wishes desperately that he could be laying closer to him.

Morning comes really quickly, it feels like, and Kenma’s alarm blares loudly way too close to his ear. Hinata seems to sleep right through it, and that’s the first sign that today is going to be a great day, that Hinata really is a heavy sleeper. He’s grateful. 

“Shouyou,” he says, leaning over the side of his bed a little to very gently nudge at Hinata’s shoulder with a hand. There’s no response other than a sniffle. “Shouyou.” He raises his voice slightly the second time, hoping that’ll work, and shakes Hinata a bit more. 

A sleepy mumble with some questioning sounds is what Kenma eventually manages to elicit before Hinata’s eyes flutter open and blink at the sunlight coming in through Kenma’s blinds.  
He looks -- cute, extremely so, and it makes Kenma’s cheeks go slightly red for thinking it, but it’s hard to deny. 

They’re out of the house in about an hour and a half, after some hurried showers and a breakfast that takes longer than Kenma would have really wanted, but he can’t very well just tell his parents to stop talking to Hinata and keeping them at home, since there’s no real constraints on when they have to be where. 

It’s about 10:30 by the time they’ve slipped their shoes on and managed to start walking towards the station, but that’s still pretty early. Hopefully the tower won’t be too crowded today, he’d hate for Hinata not to be able to see… they’re both pretty small, so… Well, it’s always crowded, so as long as it’s not any worse than usual.

Kenma pays for Hinata’s tickets on the subway, since Hinata paid to visit he figures that this is a small gesture back that he can offer, even though maybe the food and housing is enough? He doesn’t know, but he can’t exactly buy Hinata any anime or something, that’s a little too expensive, so… this gesture will have to do. 

The subway is pretty packed, as per usual, and though they manage to get seats, they’re squished together tightly. Kenma doesn’t exactly mind the feeling of Hinata’s arm against his, or their knees bumping, but again, he just has to wonder -- is he the only one this has significance to? Hinata just smiles brightly at him the whole ride, pulls out his phone and sends a few texts -- and though Kenma feels guilty for it, he admits that he peeked at the name of who he’s conversing with. It’s Kageyama, which doesn’t shock him, but something heavy settles in his stomach, then, at the idea that maybe Hinata misses Kageyama more than he wants to be here with Kenma. 

“Can I, uh…” Hinata starts, after some people have gotten off the car and he feels less self-conscious speaking amongst the large group, “hold onto, like your shirt again? I don’t wanna get lost. I said that before, but, I really, really don’t want to get lost in Tokyo.” 

Kenma nods, of course, and though it still feels like a strange type of responsibility to have Hinata clinging to him, he’ll take it on. “Just be careful, it’s hard to hold onto somebody like that sometimes, people push, and sometimes run, so…” 

He sees Hinata’s hands clench his phone tighter, and there’s that feeling in his stomach again, except it’s more like guilt this time. He knows what it’s like to be out of your comfort zone incredibly well and has no desire to subject Hinata to something that freaks him out.

“We can go back to my house, if you want, though, you know. If it’s too crowded, or isn’t fun.” Kenma doesn’t like crowds himself, something that does sometimes make living in Tokyo difficult, but this is a type of crowd he’s sort of adapted to, at least. There’s no part of him, though, that wouldn’t understand if it was too much for someone to deal with. 

“No, no! I’m really sorry, Kenma, I don’t want to seem like I don’t want to go! I’m just nervous, I’m not… a ‘city boy’, but I’m excited, I swear!” Kenma frowns, because the outburst of reassurance there isn’t exactly what he’d expected, but he’s glad for it anyway. 

“You don’t have to say sorry for that, though. It’s normal.”

Hinata looks at his lap for a minute, then, and Kenma doesn’t really know what to make of it. Was it wrong to say his nervousness was normal? He’d only meant that he shouldn’t feel embarrassed or guilty about it. 

“I just don’t want you to think I’m not having fun, that’s all.” 

He’s not sure what to say. He decides honesty is the best way to go, even if it sounds silly. 

“I worry about it, but… you smile a lot, and you laugh, and they don’t seem fake, so… I know you are. It’s okay.” 

The subway pulls to a stop, then, with a short jingle, and Kenma tugs Hinata up out of his seat, maneuvering to the door. Hinata yelps when the doors shut almost immediately after he’s out on the platform, and looks up with wide eyes at Kenma. “That was close! I could have been stuck!” 

That’s, well, actually a good point.

“Just get off at the next station and I’ll come get you if something happens. Okay?” 

His friend’s nod is shaky, but at least they’ve talked about it -- he can imagine the frantic phone call he’d get from Hinata if they hadn’t, and gets a little frustrated with himself that he hadn’t thought to mention that earlier. 

“So just hang on and follow me now.” 

It feels nice to be the one leading Hinata, though -- the boy’s hand around his wrist makes him feel sort of proud. He can do this and direct them and take Hinata to a place that interests him and he wouldn’t normally get to see; their friendship is beneficial, or at least he desperately hopes so. Reasonably, Kenma knows that it’s not about benefit, anyway, it’s just about enjoying a person -- but it’s Hinata, so he wants this to last, wants it to be something important to Hinata, too.

It’s, again, not a long walk from the station to their destination -- that’s one perk of Tokyo that it has in abundance. The line isn’t too bad for the Tower, either, Kenma thinks -- at least it doesn’t feel like there’s more people here than there has been any other time he’s visited. Hinata insists on paying for his own ticket before they even reach the clerk, and Kenma shrugs, not wanting to argue with him -- some people aren’t comfortable being treated like that, and he doesn’t want to make him feel bad. (Maybe he’s being overly cautious? He can’t really help it, though.) 

And then they’re at the observation level. Hinata doesn’t keep his awe a secret at all, immediately letting out a great big “whoa!!!” once he’s even so much as glanced out the windows. He can’t blame him, the view is pretty nice. It takes a few minutes to be able to slip through some people and duck out of the way of tourist photos to get up closer to the glass itself, but Hinata nearly glues himself to it -- or at least, he gets as close as he can without getting in trouble, probably. 

“We’re so high up!!” And it’s then that Kenma realizes Hinata has also partially been staring at the ground. “I wish I could jump this high --” he whirls around to face Kenma, looking sheepish -- “I know that sounds silly, but… it’d be nice, you know?” 

Well, it’s not one of Kenma’s goals, but he nods anyway, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Mm. So you can get by blockers, you mean…?” Not to accuse Hinata of anything, but, honestly speaking, it all goes back to volleyball with him -- and it does for Kenma, too, more often than he’d admit. He likes the game more than is probably clear, especially now that he has Hinata to play it with.

“That’s part of it!!” He laughs, nervous, and turns his face back towards the exterior, looking at eye level instead of down now. 

Kenma fidgets.

“You’re already really good, though. At getting past blockers.” 

There’s just more laughter to greet him, then, and Hinata gently pulls on his arm to drag Kenma closer to the window -- but Hinata doesn’t let go, either, and the weight of his hand feels terribly heavy. 

“It means a lot to have you say stuff like that to me, honestly. You’re so good, and you pay so much attention…! It really makes me feel like it must be true, if I’m hearing it from you.”

Deep down, he’s just glad to hear that his words matter that much to him.

Kenma knows his cheeks are flushed, of course, but he makes the effort to speak through his embarrassment anyway. “It is true. Anyone would say it.” 

“Maybe a couple people would, but, it still means something different coming from you!” 

Kenma rolls that sentence over in his mind the whole time they’re there, looking through a couple of the art galleries, checking the gift shop, and even still when they’re out the door walking back to the station. He feels like it’s an overreaction, but this whole trip has been Kenma fixating, anyway, on how special Hinata is in his life, and how badly he hopes that he’s special, too. Tiny things like Kenma’s words having a different weight, even if that makes sense across the board for everybody, make him feel like maybe he is special -- maybe he has a slot in Hinata’s life like he’d been hoping for.

Shibuya is a short trip, but extended slightly by the fact that they grab lunch there -- it’s nothing terribly special, a ramen shop that Kenma’s never actually been to, but Hinata seems thrilled and that’s what counts. It’s good food, certainly, and they check out Hachiko before they leave. Hinata makes a full circle around the statue, examining it very seriously from every angle before Kenma, prudently, suggests he just take a photo or two. 

Hinata very sheepishly pulls out his phone. 

The most exciting part of the trip, of course, is Akihabara; Kenma hasn’t been in a long while, actually, almost a month… there’s definitely a lot of stores he’ll want to check out, but Hinata’s the boss! He’ll go wherever Hinata wants, although he’s not sure Hinata will have a single idea. They may end up going to Kenma’s preferred stores anyway, since Akihabara feels pretty huge and it takes some know-how to figure out where to get what you want, he thinks. 

It’s overwhelming from the moment they step out of the station, frankly -- the people, the signs, the constant yelling of employees on the street trying to get attention, and the music playing from various shops’ speakers… it’s kind of a wonder Kenma doesn’t get more skittish than he does here. Most everybody keeps to themselves to some degree, though, so even if he gets bumped into more than he’s comfortable with, no one’s really bothering him. 

“Look at all the cosplayers!” It occurs to Kenma, then, that Hinata’s probably never really been to a convention or anywhere where there would be a lot of cosplayers, so his surprise isn’t really unfounded, but…

“There’s always people doing that here, it’s not an event or anything… they just have fun with it.” 

Hinata turns to him, looking excited, “do you cosplay?” 

Kenma blanches.

“Uh. No.” 

Really, he doesn’t. He’s never felt like any particular character suited him very well. 

“Ohh… well, it seems like it’d be cool, you know? Maybe one day we could give it a shot!” That feels a little premature, but far be it from Kenma to stop Hinata from delving further into this kind of culture. He desperately wants the company. Kuroo’s the very definition of a casual gamer, which there’s nothing wrong with, but it’s sometimes hard to talk to him. 

He feels a little bad after thinking that, though, both for devaluing how much Kuroo has listened to him and laid around in his room with him while Kenma played games, and for pinning all his hopes on Hinata. 

“I dunno… It sounds hard, but there might be a cosplay store here if you wanted to look in it. I’ve never been to one before, so, I don’t know what it’s like, but…” 

“... Maybe not, it might be intimidating! It’s expensive, right? Haha… So… Maybe I should wait until there’s somebody I actually wanna cosplay!” 

It’s a strange topic to have gotten onto in the first place, really, but Kenma nods -- that makes sense. He’s a little afraid, too, if he walked into that store that he’d end up wanting to buy costumes… not even to wear them, just for the collector’s value, which is an absolutely terrible idea. 

“Okay. Do you have anything you do want to buy?”

“Nope! Just show me your favorite places? I can always come back on another trip, right? So, anything’s okay with me!”

He hopes, by the end of their time together on this trip, Hinata hasn’t changed his mind about there being another. They start off down the street, then, weaving through people until Kenma finds the music shop he frequents -- their second floor is filled with game soundtracks, and it seems like a pretty decent bet that Hinata might find something he’s interested in, there. Not that he’s trying to make him spend money! It’s just, naturally, he’d like to show Hinata something he’d care about.

After almost ten minutes of solid browsing, with Hinata remarkably silent as he peers at the labels with… intensity, to say the least, he lets out a whistle. “Their selection is huge! Can we, uh, stop in here again when we’re about to leave? Since there’s a couple CDs I was going to order offline, but if they’re already here… I just wanna make sure there’s nothing else I want more, you know?” 

True to Kenma’s expectations, the total tour of Akihabara takes hours -- they duck into many stores, stare longingly at figures in glass cases, debate over buying the manga adaption of a favorite game, and just generally agonize about funds and the sheer amount of merchandise that’s available for practically every series. Hinata ends up with an anthology comic in hand for a game he likes, some high school version of the story, and then they make the trek back to the music store. Kenma, for his part, has a lighter load than he might usually -- his allowance gets saved up for these trips specifically, but he doesn’t want to spend a lot of money in front of Hinata, in case it would be in poor taste. 

“This is going to be so funny, though! I didn’t even know they were writing these! Man, I’m gonna have to start, like, keeping a list of stuff so that I can look for it when I visit again! Would you mind bringing me back here, too, next time?” 

He doesn’t know how he could possibly mind, so all he does is shake his head a little too enthusiastically, probably, and smile. Hinata throws an arm around his shoulders, tugging Kenma close, and he thinks he might faint at how happy that response is. 

20 minutes later, clutching their bags, they’re seated on the train. Hinata flips through his comic already, his bag with the soundtrack he purchased in it resting between his legs, commenting loud enough for only Kenma to hear on every development. “Oh, whoa, look! They have sports clubs! Only baseball and soccer, though…” It’s probably unrealistic to think your favorite character would end up getting written as a volleyball player in another life, but Kenma gets the disappointment anyway -- volleyball is much less common than a lot of other sports to be mentioned in manga. 

His parents don’t chide him for his own bags when they get in the door, and he’s not sure whether it’s because he brought back less than normal, or just because Hinata’s there; either way, he’s grateful. He focuses on his studies well enough, they don’t really need to worry about him being distracted. It’s not his third year yet, anyway.

Kenma agrees to give Hinata some more tosses before dinner again, and they head outside to hit the volleyball around almost immediately after setting down their stuff. He’s not used to this pace of activity, exactly, but Kenma’s not finding himself tired out quite yet like he was afraid he would be by Hinata’s affect in general. He’s not used to playing volleyball so casually here, either, having outgrown ball control practice with Kuroo in their yards. Actual practice is usually a mandatory event, and though he does have the ball at his house, there’s not a lot Kenma can do by himself so it doesn’t get used much. He can set the ball until his hands are raw in his own room, narrowly avoiding hitting the ceiling, and he has, but it’s not a substitute for working with another person. Kuroo is not really ever one to say no, but Kenma’s worked with him for years -- the last time they had regularly practiced like this on their own was when Kuroo was trying to master ambidextrous spiking. 

Needless to say, it’d been messy, but eventually it was polished enough that Kuroo felt like he could start trying it in the gym itself, and that’d been that. So it’s weird, honestly, to be out here again, especially when they aren’t on the same team and it’s not practicing any special moves, it’s just -- Hinata wants to jump, wants to do something with Kenma, and wants to share his passion for the game with him. He’s probably hoping a little of it will rub off on Kenma. It might be. 

He keeps looking over in the direction of Kuroo’s house, though, Kenma notices it after about 7 tosses, and starts fretting. Should he mention it? Is he just curious? Why is he thinking about Kuroo anyway? There’s a lot of possibilities, most of which are mundane and harmless and lead back to the fact that Hinata does know Kuroo himself and might even think he seems cool and want to talk to him, but, it doesn’t stop things from being kind of terrifying. 

His parents drill Hinata on his opinions on today’s sights, which doesn’t daunt him in the slightest; Kenma’s privately grateful for how fondly Hinata speaks of Akihabara -- his parents have never been and don’t really understand a lot of the appeal. Tonight follows the same pattern of games after dinner until they’re both struggling to keep their eyes open, and again, Hinata keeps leaning into his space in a way that makes Kenma’s heart ache. It’s so close to what he wants, being near him, but it’s not the same thing as being able to just hug him or even… well, cuddle, like he can with Kuroo -- Hinata would be different, not better or worse, just a different type of closeness, and he wishes he knew how to ask if it would be okay.

“Kenma?” 

He’s speaking from the futon again, now that they’ve settled down for sleep, this time rolled over in Kenma’s direction, eyes wide open.

“Hm?”

“Are you going out with Kuroo?”

And there’s the question he’s been dreading and hoping for simultaneously for the entire visit so far. No, he wants to say, it’s not like that -- but he wants to say yes, too, but only if he can make himself explain the full truth.

“Um,” he gulps, finding his hands shaky, and his voice not cooperating, “sort of.” 

“Huh? Did you guys like, just start dating, or…?” 

No, that’s not it. Is it his place, though, to explain Kuroo’s stake in this relationship, too? Is it okay to explain why it functions like it does? Will Hinata laugh? Will he thinks it’s weird? Will he think Kenma’s selfish? 

“No…” He’s never going to be happy or comfortable or even be able to relax if he doesn’t just say it, Kenma knows that for sure. Until Hinata knows this part of him, this crucial, identity forming part of him, he’ll always be worrying. There’s not as much of the trip left, either, so it’s not like he’s ruined the entire time if Hinata thinks poorly of him after hearing it. He scoots closer to the edge of his bed to look at Hinata -- or look near Hinata, at least, since he can’t quite meet his eyes. “I can explain, but, can you wait until the end to make an opinion on it?” 

“Yeah, of course… are you okay? I wasn’t trying to bring up anything bad, I’m really sorry if something happened and it was bad timing to ask…” 

“It’s fine. I wanted to tell you, actually, um, I just -- didn’t know how to bring it up, so.”

He gets a smile, then, and that bolsters him a little, opening his mouth again after Hinata’s nod of encouragement.  
“I don’t like people like that. Romantically. I never have. I don’t think I ever will. So I always worried a lot about it, and I felt like I was doing something wrong, or I was -- just wrong, somehow, or I was too shy to, I dunno. It didn’t matter what caused it or anything, I just felt -- kind of alone. And then I found out there’s other people like that, too, and there’s a word for it, and I felt better, you know? Not thinking it was a mistake or that I was messed up really helped. But then Kuroo told me he had a crush on me one day, and I got really scared, since I knew I didn’t have one on him back, and I didn’t want to lose my best friend.” 

This is probably more than he’s spoken the whole trip, or it least it feels like it, but it’s surprisingly freeing to have it just spill out and be honest and he’s got his eyes shut at this point, with a few tears brimming, but it’s -- it’s good. It feels good to be honest.

“He said he didn’t want people to like him back, though? And I didn’t really get it, but he said whenever people liked him like that, he felt really uncomfortable and terrible and so he was happy when I said I was aromantic -- that’s the word, by the way, sorry -- because he could relax, and so, um. We started dating, mostly so that I wouldn’t have to deal with people bugging me about romance stuff, and so that he’d never have to feel bad turning down anyone who liked him with an excuse -- if he can say he has a boyfriend, then it’s easier, you know? So it’s not like -- it’s not like it’s fake, but it’s not romantic. I’m not in love with him that way.” 

Only now, when he’s reached the end of the explanation, does he realize how quickly he’d been speaking and how out of breath he feels. He gives a very shaky inhale, uncurling his fingers where they’d been digging into his palm, still not lifting his eyes to see what Hinata’s expression would tell him. 

“Can I come up there?” 

He’s not sure why he’s asking, but figures it can’t be a bad thing, so Kenma gives a stiff nod. All his limbs feel stiff, actually, so it’s a bit of a struggle to shift to the side so that there’s room for Hinata to sit, or lay, whichever he prefers. It turns out that it’s laying, and he fits himself very close next to Kenma while doing so. He’s pretty sure that he’s shivering some, and doesn’t really want Hinata to notice, but after spilling his guts like that, that’s probably the last of his concerns. 

“I think it’s really cool, Kenma! I mean… that doesn’t sound really serious, but I mean it! You guys figured out something that worked really well for you both, you know? And I think it’s nice to have that. And I don’t think there’s anything weird about not liking people like that. I don’t really… know if I do or not, I think I like people that way, but it just takes me a lot longer… Everyone thinks people are cute or they get crushes really fast and I don't get it at all! So, I mean, it’s not really weird to me, that’s all.”

At some point, he’d kind of bumped his head against Kenma’s affectionately, and it occurs to him that Hinata might actually be nuzzling him a little now, too.

“I’m just glad you told me. I would have felt really bad if I had made you uncomfortable by saying anything about this kinda stuff, or… or something. But it means you trust me, too! Which is really nice, hehe.” Glancing over, finally, he can see that Hinata’s cheeks are slightly pink. “You’re probably my best friend, Kenma, so. Thanks. For um, letting me know.”

And when Hinata finally goes quiet, Kenma barely even feels ashamed to cry, just a little. 

“I really wanted you to know, because it made me really happy that we became friends, and I don’t always know what to do or say, but I feel really lucky. And I was scared you’d think it was weird, so. Thank you, too.” He’s mumbling, or at least he thinks he is, mostly because he’s always been very quiet when he cries -- it’s embarrassing that their trip has gotten to this point, but Hinata hasn’t even mentioned the tears, and he’s grateful for it. 

“It’s not weird,” Hinata says again, and Kenma certainly likes to hear it, “I seriously promise I think what you and Kuroo are doing is really smart and awesome. Life’s too short to be, like, uncomfortable all the time and try to fit yourself places you don’t wanna be, I think! … So. I’m not really good with being really serious about all this, but, I get it. All of it, everything you said makes perfect sense!” 

Kenma sniffles a little, feeling his tears already run their course, since there’s not a lot to keep them going -- this was the ideal outcome, after all, Hinata understanding and still smiling at him. It’s better than ideal, really, since he’s laying next to him.

He’s looking forward to tomorrow, now, with this out of the way; he’s looking forward to the idea of feeling like he could hug Hinata goodbye, and he’s even excited about telling Kuroo how it went. 

Hinata moves, laying more on his side so that he can reach up and brush his hands over Kenma’s cheeks, wiping away all his tears. “You okay?” His voice is soft, it sounds tender and concerned, and Kenma bites his lip while he nods. 

He talks, then, more about his sister, and his team, and his middle school friends, while Kenma lays there, curled up and close to him, listening. He’s glad Hinata took the initiative to do that, since it’s hard to explain that Kenma didn’t really want to linger anymore on the topic, even though he was happy. It’s going to take a little while to have it all settle in, to really let himself believe everything is okay and talked about.

For right now, he just wants to savor it. He was honest, vulnerable, and it went perfectly fine. Hinata is right here, dozing off while he’s talking, and Kenma says, “thank you, Shouyou. Sleep tight”, before Hinata actually sleeps this time. He’s proud of himself.

The hand squeezing his own that he gets in response makes his month.

**Author's Note:**

> phew!! this was a lot. it kind of got out of hand and didn't go exactly as i had intended? it also ended up way longer than i meant it to, so, i'll be putting up a second part to this eventually that has even more of the relationship development, since i'm not satisfied with just ending it here. i have no clue when i'll get around to it, but, this is more of a personal piece than anything honestly!! so, it'll happen eventually.


End file.
